6 More Days Till FIOS
Comcast is blowing it worse than a Vegas hooker on a slow night.
Ok, IVR's are annoying enough, but IVR"s that force you to do IVR troubleshooting are even worse. The only way to make them even *more* annoying would be to make them a voice-response IVR. Oh wait ... they did.
Their tech was a no-show. This makes 2 days of waiting and 6 contacts - SIX ! to get a modem replaced. Today's was great; the guy tried to troubleshoot me again. I told him I was still waiting for the tech to come out and replace my modem, and he tried to troubleshoot me again. I'm sorry, but I can tell when the physical layer is down. No link is no link, and it ain't got shit to do with whether I use Windows XP or Windows 2000 or OpenBSD.
"But what if they get out there and it's not the modem ? " he asks.
"It's the modem" I repeat [ this after explaining the troubleshooting process I used].
"But what if it's not the modem" he probes again.
"Dude, I've built some pretty sizable IP networks, I can troubleshoot. It's the modem."
"But I'm just saying, what if it isn't ? "
"Then I repeat 6 years of school and question the past 8 years of my career."
"Ok, well he's supposed to be there between 12:30 and 4:30, so sit tight a bit. Here's a phone number you can call to check on his status, but if you call before the window closes they'll just tell you to wait until 4:30 and call back."
He gives me a phone number.
2 hours later, it's now 5:01 ... I call the number I was given. The guy looks me up. Asks me my zip. Says "Sir, it looks like you're in so-and-so state ? " "Right" "Well we're in Tallahasee. I think you were given the wrong number".
So I call the 800 number again. Guy asks what the problem is, I tell him their tech was supposed to be out here between 12:30 and 4;30 and was a no-show. I'm expecting him to say "Ok let me contact him." Oh no... what does asshole do ?
"What are the lights on your modem right now"
"Excuse me ? "
"What lights are on on your modem now ? "
"Dude that's beside the point. I'm not going through that shit again. I didn't call to troubleshoot my service , I called because your tech was supposed to be here and wasn't. That's what you need to be troubleshooting."
[Hold for 10 minutes, fortunately I'm keying all of this in to occupy the time. Shit, I really have to get that phone recorder hooked up; this would make classic audio.]
"Ok sir, here's a number you can call to check on the tech if he's running a little bit late. "
Gives me same wrong number as last guy.
"I just called that number and it goes to Tallahasee [sp?] Florida. "
[ still holding ... ]
Oh motherflickr, I got dumped out into a new queue.
"Comcast can I help you"
"Oh dude, you got screwed. The last guy I just spoke to just dumped me back into the queue. " "NO worries, I get the feeling this is going to be like a 7 minute call "
ok, now I'm really intrigued. Did I finally find the man ? The one dude with the experience and brains to go "let me call the guy on his cellphone ? " ....
After going through the 5 minute authentication again (which mostly consists of repeating information from their database that you can hear them murmuring to themselves anyhow) the guy says:
"oh here's why we can't find you by phone number; the area code got blanked out. I'll transfer you to billing after we're done".
"Seriously ? Can't you just put a note in there for billing to clean up their own CRM ? Do I really have to spend more time on the phone ? "
Stay tuned for more tragic customer service.
Ok, IVR's are annoying enough, but IVR"s that force you to do IVR troubleshooting are even worse. The only way to make them even *more* annoying would be to make them a voice-response IVR. Oh wait ... they did.
Their tech was a no-show. This makes 2 days of waiting and 6 contacts - SIX ! to get a modem replaced. Today's was great; the guy tried to troubleshoot me again. I told him I was still waiting for the tech to come out and replace my modem, and he tried to troubleshoot me again. I'm sorry, but I can tell when the physical layer is down. No link is no link, and it ain't got shit to do with whether I use Windows XP or Windows 2000 or OpenBSD.
"But what if they get out there and it's not the modem ? " he asks.
"It's the modem" I repeat [ this after explaining the troubleshooting process I used].
"But what if it's not the modem" he probes again.
"Dude, I've built some pretty sizable IP networks, I can troubleshoot. It's the modem."
"But I'm just saying, what if it isn't ? "
"Then I repeat 6 years of school and question the past 8 years of my career."
"Ok, well he's supposed to be there between 12:30 and 4:30, so sit tight a bit. Here's a phone number you can call to check on his status, but if you call before the window closes they'll just tell you to wait until 4:30 and call back."
He gives me a phone number.
2 hours later, it's now 5:01 ... I call the number I was given. The guy looks me up. Asks me my zip. Says "Sir, it looks like you're in so-and-so state ? " "Right" "Well we're in Tallahasee. I think you were given the wrong number".
So I call the 800 number again. Guy asks what the problem is, I tell him their tech was supposed to be out here between 12:30 and 4;30 and was a no-show. I'm expecting him to say "Ok let me contact him." Oh no... what does asshole do ?
"What are the lights on your modem right now"
"Excuse me ? "
"What lights are on on your modem now ? "
"Dude that's beside the point. I'm not going through that shit again. I didn't call to troubleshoot my service , I called because your tech was supposed to be here and wasn't. That's what you need to be troubleshooting."
[Hold for 10 minutes, fortunately I'm keying all of this in to occupy the time. Shit, I really have to get that phone recorder hooked up; this would make classic audio.]
"Ok sir, here's a number you can call to check on the tech if he's running a little bit late. "
Gives me same wrong number as last guy.
"I just called that number and it goes to Tallahasee [sp?] Florida. "
[ still holding ... ]
Oh motherflickr, I got dumped out into a new queue.
"Comcast can I help you"
"Oh dude, you got screwed. The last guy I just spoke to just dumped me back into the queue. " "NO worries, I get the feeling this is going to be like a 7 minute call "
ok, now I'm really intrigued. Did I finally find the man ? The one dude with the experience and brains to go "let me call the guy on his cellphone ? " ....
After going through the 5 minute authentication again (which mostly consists of repeating information from their database that you can hear them murmuring to themselves anyhow) the guy says:
"oh here's why we can't find you by phone number; the area code got blanked out. I'll transfer you to billing after we're done".
"Seriously ? Can't you just put a note in there for billing to clean up their own CRM ? Do I really have to spend more time on the phone ? "
Stay tuned for more tragic customer service.
posted by N074H4x0r at 4:57 PM
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