Sunday, November 05, 2006

Aiport Security Is a Plastic Bag.

Once on the DailyDave I saw mention of a site called Eyewash Security that paid testimony to multiple "security" practices that were in fact completely bullshit. Of course, little did they know that "eyewash security" would soon mean " you can't take eye drops on a fucking plane".

Last time I flew (which was like about 12 hours ago given my schedule) the guy in front of me had multiple lethal weapons cleverly disguised as household toiletries. They materials could have easily been used individually or in combination to create a dangerous chemical combination that could have been used to a) give someone an itch or rash that persisted over 4 days or b) irritated eyes and sinues or c) smoother, softer skin and fresher breath. Frankly, I shudder at the thought of someone actually using hair gel during a flight.

Fortunately, the TSA automotranic thingies at the death detectors caught him, because he used the WRONG SIZE PLASTIC BAG.

[Yes our FUCKING NATIONAL AIRPORT SECURITY APPARENTLY LIES IN THE HANDS OF ZIPLOC. Should ZipLoc suddenly stop making bags of one-quart sized or smaller, we're all fucked for air travel. ]

The TSA agent actually made this poor shmuck throw out his toiletries because he used the metropolis destroying GALLON sized freezer bag, instead of the completely safe and pre-validated QUART sized bag. Oh - and this is even funnier - they also said one of his tubes of Death In A Gel was unlabeled and all items had to be labeled. Note to Ahmed: pick up some Right-Guard at CVS for the Annihlation Cum Shaving Cream.

The terrorists have won. We're all fucktarded now.

[ That's it. The post is over. I'm crawling under my bed now. Over and out.]

1 Comments:

Blogger Elphaba said...

nice to see I'm not the only one who says fucktard.

It is always entertaining to read your travel rants. If you were a girl, you'd have the extra pleasure of regular feel ups, uh, reach arounds, uhm, I mean gropes, no, pat downs, yeah, pat downs at the security line. And no, the screener who presumably is checking the underwire in your bra doesn't call you later or even buy you dinner. At least the TSA woke up and realized that asking everyone to pack gel filled bras in their checked luggage just wasn't a realistic idea. (BEWARE THE BOOB BOMB!!)

~E

Wednesday, March 07, 2007 2:35:00 AM  

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