Sunday, December 10, 2006

FBI Hindered by Radical Militant Librarians

This is a hoot. Just so you can follow the stream, it started as "couple arrested under Patriot Act for sex on a plane" then to a DoJ site, then the EFF then, this NPR article:

"One FBI e-mail from 2003 complains that the Office of Intelligence Policy and Review (OIPR) "should be embarrassed that the FBI has used this valuable tool to fight terrorism exactly ZERO times."

The e-mail goes on: "The inability of FBI investigators to use this seemingly effective tool has had a direct and clearly adverse impact on our terrorism cases. While radical militant librarians kick us around, true terrorists benefit from OIPR's failure to let us use the tools given to us." "

"Radical militant librarians". That's just awesome. I wish we had those where I live. Here, you're late with a book, they just politely ask you for some small change. Except once, when I was a child, I was a little too loud, and the radical militants who ran the politely reminded me I was in a library (but in a very radically polite way, the sort of overly polite way that just seems a bit contrived or uhmmm, militant.).

I think Monty Python should reassemble just to make a skit out of this. Like, person returns book a day late, argues that it was a holiday or something along those lines, librarian freaks to the tune of "it doesn't say due back on the 2nd unless you felt like taking a day off does it ? It says due back on the SECOND !" , some verbal swashbuckling for a brief moment, but eventually the librarian backs away from the counter and stops arguing.

The librarian gets shifty eyes, slowly pulls out a tube of hair jell. Someone next to him glances at it and realizes it's not the innocent civilian 3 oz. tube, it's the MILITANT LETHAL 5 OUNCE TUBE. Someone screams, people are running. Too late. The librarian has a 5 oz tube of hair gel, a 4 oz stick of deodorant, and 4 ounces of contact lens solution and IT'S NOT EVEN IN A QUART BAG. People are getting sprayed with hair gell, a guy gets hit with contact lens solution. He tries to dodge it but too late it's now soaking at least a square inch of his shirt and there's bits of deodorant flying EVERYWHERE ; at nasty high speeds mind you, not the normal sort of deodorant-flying-around you're likely to see, because this after all is a RADICAL MILITANT LIBRARIAN with invidual items over 3 ounces and to bulky to fit into a one quart plastic bag !!!

I'm probably under surveillance right now ; )


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